some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need moral support for this bender
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
