barbara walters just said penis...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
