note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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