dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
