my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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