p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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