i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
