No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
