oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
