Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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