My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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