i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
