You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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