So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
