dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
