the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
