I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
