she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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