I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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