I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
