plz talk dirty to me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
