i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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