Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
