I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
