I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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