Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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