Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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