Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
