I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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