I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
