If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
