names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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