just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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