Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
