i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
