two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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