I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
