I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
