my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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