When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
