go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
