How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
