at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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