My friends, they love my intelligence
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
