Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
