we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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