I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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