can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
