Apparently you make a good broom.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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