I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
