she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
