while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
