You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
