where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
