Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
