Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
