lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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