drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
