I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
