I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
