i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
