Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
