Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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