why didn't you poke me back
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
