I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
