His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
