if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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