i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize