Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
