i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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