she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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