My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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