i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize