TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
