he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
