Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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