I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
