i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
