So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize